The Hunt for Food
by valehd
Summary: Pac-Man and Villager are married with 2 kids and a pet bird. Today, they're out on a hunt for their dinner. What will they find? I don't know. This fic is meant as a joke, my entire existence is a joke.
1. Chapter 1: Arrival

_I suck at writing, I don't write stories very often. This is all based on an RP that I like to do with my friend. Enjoy, I guess._

Pac-Man and Villager walked out of the house with their children, Billy and Meidonalds, right behind them and their pet bird, Plover McFinch, flying beside them. Pac-Man, being the fatass that he is, had eaten all the food in the fridge, so today, the family had to hunt for their dinner.

Once they arrived at a clear spot in the Forest, they got their weapons ready. Villager gave everyone an axe and a big backpack while Pac-Man gave birth to a fire hydrant (congratulations!). Mei took a moment to look around, thinking about what might be hiding in there. First, she thought about the big, sparkling lake nearby. Surely, there'd be lots of fish and Water-type Pokemon down there. Then she looked at the tall trees. Perhaps there'd be some birds sitting in the branches, maybe even a Diddy Kong swinging around in them. She then looked at the large field of tall grass. Anything in there? Maybe some small Grass-type Pokemon. Bug-types too, but they probably don't taste good. She had just spotted a tall mountain across the forest when Villager started speaking.

"Let's all split up. Where do you all want to go?" he asked.

"I want to go to the lake!" Pac-Man answered eagerly. He took a cage out of who-knows-where, which contained a Pichu. "This little guy will be a big help."

"I like grass, grass is tasty," Billy said, most likely referring to the grassy area.

"I kinda wanna explore that mountain over there," Mei answered. She was really interested in the mountain and what she might find there.

"Then I'll take the forest. You and I can walk together until you reach the mountain," Villager said to Mei. "Now what about Plover?" No answer."Plover? You there?" He looked around and saw Plover in the distance flying towards them with a dead Donkey Kong.

"Nice catch!" Pac-Man commented as the bird arrived and shoved the dead ape into Billy's backpack.

"Plover, you can fly around the area and make sure we're all doing okay. Let us know if someone's in trouble," Mei suggested. Plover tweeted happily at this. The family then wished eachother good luck and walked off to find food.


	2. Chapter 2A: Through the Forest

Birds flew through the branches of the tall trees in the Forest. As they walked in, axes in hand, Villager and Mei listened to the chirps from the creatures around them. There was plenty of animal life in this massive forest, and the father-daughter duo was here to take it all.

They spotted an Incineroar sitting against a wide tree and taking a nap. Its loud purr-snore was what helped them find this beast. They hid right behind a bush, just in case.

"Should we get him?" Mei whispered. Perhaps she whispered too loudly, since the Incineroar was startled by the sound. It woke up and looked around for the source of the sound, but had not stood up. Then it assumed that it was nothing and went back to sleep. Villager slowly - very slowly - crawled up to it and sliced its head off in one quick swoop of his axe. Mei cheered as Villager stuffed the corpse into his bag.

"I'll bet the rest of the hunt won't be as easy as this catch," Mei remarked.

"If Plover can kill a Donkey Kong, then anything is possible," Villager replied. "Anything can happen… Something will probably go wrong, just like always."

They kept on walking through the forest, killing whatever they could find. At last, they approached the tall, snow-capped mountains. The moon and the stars glimmered in the night sky at the mountain, even though the sun had shone bright through the leaves of the forest.

"You sure you can do this alone?" Villager asked as Mei went towards the nearest mountain.

"I can do this. I'll be fine, dad!" Mei answered.

"Take this," Villager said as he pulled a coat out of his pocket. Mei already had a sweater, but that probably wouldn't be good enough for the freezing temperatures of the mountains. After Mei put on the coat, Villager kissed her goodbye and she walked up the mountain.

Villager turned around to continue his search. He began to walk, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw an Inkling lying on the ground. He began to sneak towards it, but was stopped by Plover's loud, panicked tweets.


	3. Chapter 2B: The Grassy Field

Billy stepped into the tall grass with Plover on his shoulder. He was about to take a bite from the grass, but Plover gave him a peck on the arm to stop him. Billy then saw a pink bulb moving around, and was reminded why he was here. He snuck towards it as curiosity filled him, but as soon as he got close to it, the bulb started to move quickly across the field. Billy and Plover chased after it, and when they got close enough, Billy threw his axe. The bulb slowed down and eventually stopped moving. Billy pulled it out of the grass and saw that it was an Ivysaur, whose leg he had just chopped off. He stuffed it into his bag as Plover flew off to check on the others.

Billy wandered around the field, filling up his bag with grass. He spotted a Yoshi sleeping in some flowers. Billy walked to it, then grabbed it. The Yoshi flailed around trying to beat him away, but Billy quickly shoved his axe into its chest before it could escape. He proudly stuffed it into his bag and licked the blood from his hands, but then Plover came back, screaming for help. Billy followed him out of the field.


	4. Chapter 2C: The Lake

Pac-Man walked downhill to the beautiful, shining lake. He took Pichu out of her cage and placed her at the edge of the lake. Pichu shouted at Pac-Man, concerned about what was about to happen to the creatures in the lake, but he shoved her face into the water as Plover arrived to check on him. He was ready to throw a stone at Pichu to get her to shock the water, but something floating nearby caught his attention. He used a stick to lift it out of the water. A small, yellow orb child with wings and brown hair, who had drowned.

_Oh fuck. Where's Pit?_

Immediately, Plover flew off, screaming for the others as Pac-Man laid the drowned child on a rock and shoved Pichu back into her cage.


	5. Chapter 3: Pit and the Other Kids

First, Billy arrived to the scene. Then Villager arrived. Plover went out again, but came back shivering and with nobody by his side.

"Where's Mei?" Pac-Man asked.

"She must be at the mountains somewhere, maybe at the top. Poor bird must've been too cold to get up there," Villager responded, holding the small bird in his hands. "So what happened?"

"Remember that kid I coughed out and we had returned to Pit? Well…" Pac-Man pointed to the child with the stick. Villager gasped, and Billy plucked a dandelion and placed it next to the child.

"No! What… what happened? Plover… Why would Pit do this?" Villager asked, crying a little. Plover only let out a confused tweet and stared at the child. Pac-Man noticed that Billy was staring into the bushes.

"Something there, Billy?" he asked.

"I heard a noise coming from there. You think I should go explore?"

"Go ahead. Bring your axe, it could be food."

Billy peeked through the bush, then quickly turned back around.  
"It's Pit! He's got Lemon Water and… and that other kid! Anthill… Anton… Anthony!" he whispered. Pac-Man and Villager looked through the bush to see Pit tying up two small children who looked almost exactly like Pac-Man.

"Pit!" Pac-Man cried, leaping through the bush. "Where… where have you been? And why are you doing this?"

"Get away from me, you yellow freak!" Pit shouted. "I never loved you, you're just some weird… sphere thing!"

"I… I know that, but why are you killing the kids?" Pac-Man yelled as tears rolled down his face.

"I want to forget you. I want to get rid of every trace of you. Ships are disgusting, fanchildren are disgusting, YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" Pit shouted as he punched him. Villager pushed Pit away, grabbed him, and glared into his fearful eyes.

"Listen here, you angel bitch. You hurt my husband or the kids and I'll end your life," Villager muttered as his eye sparkled. Villager threw him to the ground and turned to save the kids, but fell back in fear at the sight of King Dedede walking into the scene.

"YOU AGAIN!" Villager screamed. "HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING BACK TO LIFE?"

"Gods never die," Dedede shouted triumphantly as he ran towards Billy, who screamed and dove into the bush.

"DEDEDE! STOP! TAKE PIT INSTEAD!" Pac-Man pleaded, shoving the angel towards him. With a "thanks", Dedede grabbed Pit and ran off.

"Thank you so much," the older of the kids, Anthony, said as Billy and Villager untied them. "You ok, little bro?"

"I'm alright," the younger, Lemon Water, responded. "I'm just scared," he added as he hugged the older child. Billy hugged them both.

"So what should we do first, bring the kids to Mr. Game and Watch or find Mei?" Villager asked.

"You and Billy can go find Mei. I'll bring the kids to Game and Watch," Pac-Man suggested.

"Great idea. Is Plover here?" Villager asked. As soon as he did, Plover popped out of the bush and chirped. "Awesome. You can come with us, and Pac will wait at home. If something happens to us, let him know. Can you do that? He picked up Plover and pet him as the bird happily tweeted.

"Bye, guys. Stay safe!" Anthony said as the 3 yellow spheres walked away.

"Bye!" Billy responded as he walked into the forest with Plover and Villager. The whole time, Pit had been screaming for Dedede to stop penetrating him.


	6. Chapter 4: Taking The Kids Home

_Note: The Shulks in this story are like shirtless Shulk but with really stretched out limbs. Don't ask._

Pac-Man picked up Anthony and Lemon Water and carried them away from the forest. However, they were stopped by a wild Shulk that popped out of the ground. The Shulk sniffed the air, then crawled towards Pac-Man.

"I'm really feeling it!" it said as it touched the spot between Lemon Water's legs.

"HEY!" Anthony shouted as he slapped the Shulk. "YOU LEAVE MY LITTLE BRO ALONE!"

"I'M REALLY FEELING IT!" the Shulk said louder as it leaped on top of Pac-Man and grabbed the kids. It took off their boots and started licking their feet. Pac-Man whipped out his fire hydrant and hit the Shulk so hard that it died.

"You okay, boys?" Pac-Man asked, helping them put their boots back on.

"Kinda turned on right now, not gonna lie," Lemon Water answered, blushing. Another Shulk popped its head out of the same hole on the ground.

"_** D"**_ the Shulk announced as it crawled out of the ground and straight to Lemon Water. Pac-Man kicked the Shulk away, scooped up the kids, and ran off.

He ran as fast as he could until he reached the house. He knocked on the door and Mr. Game and Watch opened it.

"Kids!" he exclaimed, hugging them. "Where were they?"

"Pit got them and tried to kill them. Thankfully, Dedede came back and took him away. But on the way here, some Shulks tried to rape them."

"Oh no… Why have these Shulks been popping up everywhere all the sudden?"

"I don't know. Nobody knows. You'll have to keep a closer eye on the kids and make sure they don't get stolen again."

"I will, I don't want to lose them."

"Dad, I'm hungry," Anthony interrupted. "Can we get McDonald's? I want 4 large fries and a big mac!"

"I want 3 large fries", Lemon Water added.

"Sure. Can you watch them while I'm gone, Paccy? It's a warzone in that building, I don't want to take them with me."

"I'll take them home," Pac-Man answered. "I have to stay there so Plover can find me in an emergency."

"Thanks," Mr. Game and Watch said as he kissed Pac-Man on the cheek. He then drove off as Pac-Man walked home with the kids.

Once they got home, the kids took some time to explore the house. They came back to the kitchen just in time to eat sandwiches that Pac-Man had just finished making. Before he could sit down to eat his, however, he heard frantic tweeting and tapping at the window. He rushed out of the house with Plover.

"Can I take dad's sandwich?" Lemon Water asked.

"If he doesn't come back in 15 minutes, you're legally allowed to eat it," Anthony answered.


End file.
